Somehow I got busy and ended up in a flurry of activity and totally forgot to upload the next bunch of pictures from our ski trip holiday. It was only about a week and a half ago when we returned, but already it seems like weeks! Ah. Time does fly when you're busy. So here they are. My cheesy holiday snaps, all posted up here for your amusement! Hah!
That's Darren, busy building his igloo. And that's me, all engrossed and totally into observing a snow hornet. Those insects, they're AMAZING. They seem to not be able to die! I swear I kind of squished it by accident. No let me correct that. I kind of just stomped on it without seeing. And I was wearing my super chunky, heavy and hard ski boots. I am not an evil insect-killer. I am just curious 99% of the time. I promise!
I spent my Saturday with a bunch of little kiddos, making ourselves happy Spongebob pirate hats and treasure boxes. I ran a crafty arty party and my my! I have never seen SO much yellow in one room! Spongebob was everywhere! Seriously. Spongebob balloons, hats, serviettes, toys, etc. So cute! It was so much fun and thanks to Darren who stayed and filmed bits of the party, I now have a video for all to see. Hooray! I do apologise for my first-timer lousy video making skills though! Haha. Thanks Jess for inviting me over. Happy 4th Spongebobby birthday Mister Milo!
And yes, the Spongebob boxes we made, do double up as 'treasure boxes' too! The kids were all happily stuffing their own boxes with so much candy, it was hilarious. " More! More more! We need to fill it up with lots of gold coins and treasure! "
Aye aye Captain! Ah well, I've been into the whole deep sea, nautical thingy. You see, I've been camping out at home post- ski holiday, preparing for an exciting Spongebob 5th arty party tomorrow. The kids are all quite young.. think 2.. 3.. but the birthday boy has kindly requested to do a spongebob out of boxes! So yup, to make it easier for the young kiddies, I've been cutting loose teeth, eyeballs, neckties, shirts and pirate hats. Haha. So there's going to be lots of gluey and stocky action instead of scissor handling. ( Which by the way, can be quite challenging for a tiny one! )
Anyway, just thought I'd show off my little spongebob creation. Did you know, it is a box as well?! You can open up the side and viola! You can put things in it. I think the kids will like it. I hope so! I hope they do!
Spongebob fun bits aside, just thought I'd keep you guys updated and in the know. I've got a whole bunch of adult and kids classes coming right up!
Do you have a 3 year old, or 4, 5, 6 or even 7 and 8 year old? Not sure what to do during the school holidays? Why not send them to a fun-filled art class! They'll get to make Giant ice creams, Giant pizzas, Giant Portraits and funky umbrellas! ( Don't worry, the umbrellas will be just right and not too giant for tiny hands! ) And if you're an adult, you won't get to miss out on the fun too. You get to do packaging drawings and paint plants and veggies that you like. It will be a perfect time to start picking up a new hobby and then making tiny gifts for the coming Christmas season! Adults whom I've taught have brought home what they learnt and made gifts out of their new skill! So far I've got ex-students making tea towels, pillow cases, books and originals for friends and family. How cute! Watercolouring is really an easy peasy skill and all you need is just 3 hours on one Thursday night and that's that! I'll be 'imparting' all I know/learnt to you! All my tips and tricks, where's the cheapest to get supplies, what's good and what's not, etc. So yup, do check out the links and sign up, bring a friend along, or even your mum, dad, daughter, son. It'll be fun I promise!
Ah. Too much seriousness over here the past couple of days. I am so thankful for everyone's support, love and care. Thanking for sharing all your personal stories with me! I really do appreciate it.
Now it's back for some usual happy blogging without the tears and of course more smiley faces! Today I'm sharing some pictures from our little ski trip holiday. I took quite a bit of pictures. So I'm breaking them into parts. Shown here today, are pictures from our lunch stopover at Bright. Such a cute little town! We drove away with happy tummies filled with great food and a giant wooden spoon from the local op shop!
Hello guys! I'm back from my holiday from the ski slopes. It was such a nice and much needed break. Especially after my big break down last week. Ah. The weather was a little too warm and the snow was fast melting. But it was still nice to be able to just 'plant' myself in the middle of what Darren calls a giant terrarium filled with grass and snow. We built igloos ( Sort of ) and made lots of snow balls. Skied till our bottoms hurt. Mmm.. Fun times indeed! I'll show you more pictures over the coming few days.
But for this morning, I'd really like to set some things straight. Not sure how many of you would have noticed from my twitter and Facebook. Well, some comments have started coming in and my goodness. They've turned my smile upside-down! I was all smiley and happy from my trip. It took me four whole days of holidaying to get all the negativity inside me all out of my system and to convince myself ok 'heck it! I'm going to do this and make more art and just go for it!' And just when I was all ready to go to bed, a nasty comment came in my inbox. Well, thinking it was work, I opened it and viola, nasty comment number 1! Then shortly after, nasty comment number 2! Then so on. Nice work anonymous commenters! The best bit, one of them ( The one with the comment on eating organic food ) is So obviously a friend from my facebook/twitter. I think I know who it is. But I'm just keeping my mouth shut.
The thing is, after all the comments, I ended up bursting into tears! I mean, I literally felt like my whole holiday-pyschoing just disappeared into thin air. Poof! Just like that.
Look, I appreciate all kinds of comments, good comments, mean ones. But the thing is, all I wanted to do in the first place when writing that post, was to just bare it all, the ugly and the difficult side of it. The fact that I was having only less than 5 sales from January up to June.. And then over 300 sales in Nov, December. The fact that people have often questioned me how I do it. The instability of it all, the not-knowing. Well, I deal with it! And sometimes I whine, most times I cry. I never said life wasn't difficult for a doctor/lawyer/banker/whatever other job. I've got a gazillion friends who are doctors. My two really great friends are lawyers. My best girlfriends. They're each a banker and businesswoman. They have it hard too. They have late night shifts and long hours, and often have to give up going to stuff they like. Life IS hard. No matter what you do. It's just how much job stability one has, that makes it even harder. The not-knowing.
I am human and I believe in God. I know no matter how hard it gets, I can always lean on God and everyone whom I'm blessed with. My friends, you guys who often encourage me in times of doubt, etc. There are times when I break down and just feel like giving up. Everyone feels that way too no matter what they do. And in my case, I have a blog and I share it with people. I like being honest nd I've always believed in being honest. I am really such a simple girl. I love what I do. I do it to the best of my ability and I share with others what I do. Life isn't always peachy. And I share the downs with people too. I am so open that way. That's just how I am. I truly appreciate honesty and just not being all miss perfect.
I come from a middle income family. And growing up, sure, I've always admire those with a good paying job and stable income. A lot of us do. My friends often ask me so, how will you earn your keep as an artist? I grew up with that question being drilled into me for so long. Of course it'll have some sort of adverse effect on me. I start questioning myself. If this is really the path I want, etc. I sometimes yearn for what others have. I always hoped I was smarter. Back in primary school, I got canned in front of the whole class for getting a 56 for my maths. I was in a top math class. And everyone always got a 10/10 for mental sums. I always got a 2/10. Simply because numbers and fast thinking just don't go down well in my books. I remember I always had to stand in front of the whole class, explaining why I got a 2 and not a 10. My classmates thought I was a freak and often threw my diary into the bin. They stained my white skirt with ink and drew comics of me naked and circulated around the entire class. I was the arty farty freak who was bad at maths. In high school, my parents were often called to the principal's office simply because I was failing my math and sciences. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't prove to my teachers that I was trying hard enough. I stayed back every single day till 6. Sometimes 7pm. School starts at 7.20am in Singapore, mind you. I stayed back for remedials that were made compulsory specially for me. Teachers thought I was just a slacker. Once again, I was the art freak who topped the cohort in art and failed so badly in Math and science classes. My math teacher actually gave up and told me once 'Dawn. I think you should just get yourself through high school. Pass your math and be an artist.'
I guess the fact that I've gotten misunderstood for not trying hard enough with my math just always made me wish I could be smarter. But as I grew older, I told myself, no. I will not go on wishing and hoping and longing to be smarter. I am smart already. Smart when it comes to making art. If I can do art well. Then that's it! I'm doing art! Besides, I already love it so much, so surely it wouldn't be that hard right. You see, all I want is to be the best art teacher and artist to my ability. I want to be able to make things that will leave smiles on other people's faces. I want to be able to help others. That's all I really want. I don't dream of earning big bucks, having a fancy house. All I want is just a happy humble life, running my own little art school. Teaching kids, having everyone smile after getting to know how fun art can be. I want to be a humble woman, doing what I'm blessed with. That's all I want.
But there are times, when knowing what I want isn't enough to get me through not worrying about my rent, pay. etc. Everyone worries and it's just how open they are with their worries. I have a blog and it's where I say what I want and do what I want. I mean no one harm and I don't ever put any sort of jobs in a bad light. I whine and complain and cry. Because that's how I cope. I always think it's good to let it out of your system in one way or another. I write and cry, then pick myself up again. That's how I cope. And if anyone of you out there think it's stupid and that I should be a much stronger person and not whine so much, then I have nothing to say. Everyone copes differently.
Growing up, my parents always told me to indulge occasionally and reward myself when I work hard. I work VERY HARD mind you. And occasionally I indulge in nice things like a pair of clogs, and some organic veggies. I can't afford hasbeens. So I buy clogs that are 1/3 the price. I eat organically once in a blue moon, because the grocer near my studio has an offer. Look, as much as I reward myself, I do know how very blessed I am. I know that there's a lot of people out there without food and clothes. I give thanks everyday for what I have. And occasionally I donate stuff/money/clothes to help others in need. I know somewhere out there, my tiny bit of contribution is helping some kid/adult. And I'm happy knowing that. It's not like I'm just flooding myself with material things and just whining all day long. I mean how often do you get 3 whiney post one after another on my blog?! Never!
I just feel so misunderstood and just so affected by those comments. It just makes me want to just sort it all out and settle it once and for all. Well, enough of ranting. I do feel better now. Ok. I promise this will be my last amazingly-long whiney post. ( At least for a while ). If you can't deal with it anymore, then stop reading my blog! It is my space and I get to say what I want. Be open and leave if you're not happy. I will not censor what I want/need to say just because I want my blog to always be 100% happy and sparkly positive. This is life. My life so just keep reading if you want. If not, it's okay.
Totally lame made-up comic strip thingy I did back in 2006
Wow. You guys are amazing. I wasn't expecting such a huge response when I wrote my previous post. I was just totally feeling down in the dumps and just sore from everything that's been happening. ( Will not go into details ) but yup, I just had to let it all out in one long post. I always think a blog should be unplanned, and totally honest. So that's why I ended up blurting every single bit out. All of it!
I am so glad so many of you have come forward and shared your stories with me. A few creative types ( who are in the same shoes as I am ) have wrote to me privately saying how reading everyone's comments made them feel better too. Thank you thank you thank you. I think it's so amazing how this little blog of mine can help not only me, but also others feel better. Like some sort of support group, maybe? If you know what I mean... And it's all thanks to you guys! This is why I love blogging and sharing with people so much. I like how at the end of the day, everyone of us, regardless of the kind of lifestyle we lead, age difference, country and interests, we can all just come together and encourage each other. I am truly touched and feel so blessed!
Anyway, just to clarify, it's not that I'm currently totally penniless, broke and jobless. I still have a job. I still have income coming in. But the fact that it's all so unpredictable and the figures go up and down every month. It just drives me crazy. I'm the sort that needs stability. I know, lame! But yes, I do! Fact is, I still take holidays, go on nice short trips, buy and pamper myself with pretty things from shops. I think if I don't pamper myself and give myself little treats, I'd really go crazy. Well, I think I'm just totally burnt and need a bit of a break. Darren, being the 'best boyfriend ever', has decided to take me on a little holiday. So, we're off to the ski slopes tomorrow. The very last time for this season. I hope I'm not too selfish by wishing it'd be a really cold weekend. If not, we'll be ice skating down the slopes instead of skiing.
Thank you so much once again. I feel better already and don't worry. Never in my life am I going to give up making art. it's seriously the only thing I can do and it's what makes me happy. So yes. I will not give up, no matter what. No one can make me quit! Ah. See you when I get back mid-next week!
"I just lose myself in my sewing. I don't know how to describe it. You know when I start beading... I'm so absorbed in what I'm doing, I forget everything. I'm sewing and I'm creating a design and I just don't know how to describe it. I just lose myself in it. "
I am usually kind of up beat about everything. About life and my art in general. I think life as an artist/ freelancer is great but today, or rather the past couple of months, I've been feeling a bit down and just tired. And yes, today I've decided to be really honest and not hold back with what I have to say about my life. I was speaking to a few other creative friends and it's just sad and apparent how life as an artist/ creative/ freelancer is hard. I mean life in general is already hard. Regardless of whether or not you're a banker, a lawyer, scientist, teacher or artist. But I think life as an artist is especially hard. I grew up being told I wouldn't make any money as an artist. In Singapore, and almost everywhere else, that's pretty much the mindset of people. To a certain extent, I hate to admit it but I think it's true. The past couple of months, I've just been thinking a lot about my practice, my work and just the person I am. I've always been a really motivated and driven person. Back in high school, I already knew I couldn't do anything else apart from art. So I pushed myself and did art all day long. I made sure I got myself into design school.
While in design school, I knew I wanted to be artist for the rest of my life. I discovered my passion for teaching and educating. So I worked and studied and made lots of crafty stuff. People my age were having the time of their life, partying, travelling. But I on the other hand chose to stay home and make art all day long. Don't get me wrong, but I really loved it and still think it was the best thing to do. Right after my design diploma, I plonked myself in teaching for a year and worked with so many kids. It was amazing. Such a wonderful opportunity. and till today, I still think discovering my love for teaching back then, was probably the best thing that ever happened for me.
Right after teaching for a year, I packed my life up and moved to Melbourne and went to art school to do my painting degree. I remember back in second year, my friends were all having fun and partying after school hours. Some of them were working part time to earn extra cash. I earned my cash by selling and making art. All day long. I thought hard and turned my work into home wares and affordable alternatives. In my opinion, people would be more inclined to buy smaller stuff that was usable, as compared to a large painting. I think I was probably the only idiot preparing myself for the unglamorous artist life after art school. I often spoke to my friends about our ambitions. I remember for a class, everyone had to share what their dream after art school was. 90% of my classmates said they plan to travel the world, and take a year off. I thought to myself then, as if I'd had such a luxury!
So during my second and third year at uni, I did a lot of testing and experimenting, all on top of my own school work. I did craft markets, and kept on working, working and working.
Just before I graduated last year, I decided to start looking for a job as a teacher. I landed in a part-time teaching job which I grew to hate. Had a boss that drove me nuts and pressured me to tears every time I worked. I finally left the job after several months. And now I'm working freelance. I spend my days working on making art, commissions, teaching part time.
Sometimes people tell me what they would give, to have my life and that I should appreciate the fact that I get to do what I love. I know. I do appreciate it and everyday, I wake up and I'm so thankful I get to do what I love. But sometimes, this life of mine scares me. I'm turning 25 next year. I know I'm young. But I'm thinking is this really what I want to go through for the rest of my life? I know compared to some many others, I am really lucky and blessed. I know that. I am! But it just scares me to think if this is really it. Am I going to have to worry and fret over financial stuff for the rest of my life, in order to pursue what I love? I know and am so sure I want to have my own studio, teaching kids and making art. But how am I going to get myself to the point where I can say ' Ok! This is it! I am ready and I've got the money! Let's lease this little shop space and start my own thing! ' Truth is, I am VERY ready. It's just the financial side of things. Mmm...
As of right now, not knowing whether or not, I get enough money for the coming month. If I would get any commissions, freelance jobs. Constantly having to think up new things to make, advertising my work and having to keep encouraging others to buy my art. Tweeting, blogging and just bombarding people with promotions. It just makes me feel so horrible. I think about having kids and whether or not my life as an artist would be enough to start a family. I start asking myself why am I not good with anything else other than art and teaching? Is that really all I can do? What if ten years down the road, they both don't work out? What would I be left with?
I often get emails about people asking me how I do it, how I earn a living. My answer, God knows! No, seriously, without God and my faith in Him, I don't even know how I'd survive. I' probably be crazy by now. I always tell myself God provides and will provide no matter what happens. But I just sometimes cannot deal with this whole big question mark of what's next. I often find myself admiring others. My friends are all lawyers, doctors, bankers, accountants. They have steady incomes and are looking at buying houses, investing. What about me? I have no clue about all these property investment stuff. I still feel like I'm 16. Totally clueless and thinking I'm ready to take on the world with my art. I don't have any back up plans.
I don't know how to describe my passion for teaching and art making. I really don't. I just love it and I do it because it's what makes me happy. Just like Mabel. But at the same time, reality is always harsh and it comes back to kick me in my butt. Reality tells me how passion isn't enough to just sustain me. Passion isn't going to just pay my rent for me every month. I think of teaching. How I could teach and work in a school. But the thing is, art teachers are mostly part-timers too. What are the chances of me being offered a full-time art teaching job? I keep trying to work hard, but time after time, I find myself getting kicked back to square 1. Just this year, on top of all the doubts and worries, I've had my work stolen and copied, sold without my knowledge. I've been cheated and taken for granted and as a result, lost some money I thought I was getting. I've been in an out of a job. I've lost my friend and the loss reminds me of how short life really is. I don't know what to do.
I have other creative friends who are really lucky. They're able to pay their bills and go full time with what they love doing. But I also have friends who had to shut down their businesses, get a proper job. Give up what they love. It's a struggle for people like us.
Sometimes I think, people need to know that freelancing isn't easy. That life as an artist is probably one of the shittiest thing ever, but at the same time it is so rewarding. How contradicting. But yes, that's the ugly truth. You pay and spend lots of money making art. You tell yourself it's all for passion. You work so hard, not knowing if you'll get anything in return. It's all a matter of faith and hoping. Some days, you wake up smiling and knowing it'll be a good day. Some days you wake up wishing you were smarter and had a regular job.
Well, I don't know. I was speaking to a friend yesterday. And she mentioned we should probably have some sort of crafters therapy group or something. Ah. I couldn't agree more. Oh well. Sorry for complaining and being all whiney. I just needed to get this all out of my system.
I did a 2 day workshop at Ruyton Girls a while ago. Haven't had the chance to sit down and look through the pictures till now. Whoops! The girls all did a great job drawing in their own recipes. Some of the girls were really good at drawing and surprised me with their amazing skills. We didn't get to finish all of our paintings so here are some work in progress shots. And of course, a class picture before I left!
What a lovely school and friendly bunch of girls. Totally an enjoyable experience for me. Thank you Ruyton, Emily and Jill! : )
I know it's Sunday and we're moving on fast to yet another new week. But just thought I'd share some photos I took with my new camera, a compact tiny one from Darren! He knew I wanted one that wasn't that heavy to take around for my classes, especially since I'm always travelling by foot or public transport. A big chunky DSLR, along with my lap top and bag full of art supplies. It was totally starting to hurt my shoulders! So yes, he surprised me with one! Thank you so much Darren! It's so basic but it does a great job nevertheless.
First bunch of pictures were taken while shuffling to and fro from home to the studio. Bits like waiting at the tram stop with my huge roll of paper and a bag full of books. My new macbook pro ( My old one's hanging by the thread now. Had no choice but to replace it. So much money, it's not funny! ) And bits of a new painting of which I'm going to turn into a print! It's colourful and cheerful. And of course, filled with lots of ice cream flavours. I love ice cream so much, I thought it was only appropriate to make a painting of it! Mmmm...
Bottom bunch of pictures were taken during my evening adult watercolour classes at Harvest. The lovely adults are so clever. So far we've been working on some packaging drawing and line work for our delicious recipes. I cannot wait to show you the final pieces next Thursday! From the current sketches, I can already tell the pieces are going to be amazing!
Alright, off to bed I go. Brace yourselves for yet another week people! May the coming week be filled with surprises and nice things for you : )
